Worried about an online relationship?

Romance scams: practical help for you and your loved ones

Recognise the warning signs, start a conversation and find support.

If you are worried about an online relationship, either your own or someone else’s, you do not need to have all the answers before seeking help.

Money already sent? Contact your bank immediately through its official app or a trusted phone number. Explain that you suspect a scam and ask whether payments can be stopped or recovered.

Someone in immediate danger? Call 000.

1. Check the relationship for warning signs

A romance scam often develops gradually. Someone builds trust and affection before asking for money, personal information or help with a supposed problem. The requests may begin small and increase as the relationship becomes more important.

Look for a pattern:

  • Plans to meet repeatedly fall through.

  • Emergencies or unexpected expenses keep requiring money.

  • Repayment depends on an inheritance, insurance payout or other funds that never arrive.

  • They request gift cards, cryptocurrency or help moving money.

  • They introduce an investment opportunity.

  • They pressure you to act quickly or keep arrangements secret.

Photos, documents and video calls can be manipulated, so they do not provide conclusive proof of identity. (www.scamwatch.gov.au)

Try the online relationship health check

Scamwatch’s questionnaire helps highlight warning signs in an online relationship, friendship or connection. You can complete it privately or with someone you trust, without providing personal information.

It is a starting point for reflection, rather than a guarantee that a relationship is safe. (www.scamwatch.gov.au)

Start the online relationship health check

2. Start a conversation with someone you’re worried about

Choose a private, calm moment. Explain what concerns you, ask questions and give them space to answer. Focus on specific behaviour rather than demanding they agree the relationship is a scam.

You could say:

“I know this relationship matters to you. I’m worried about the repeated requests for money. Could we look at them together?”

“The visit has been cancelled several times. Could we look at what was promised and what has happened?”

“Would you be willing to work through the relationship health check with me?”

Listen without ridicule or blame. You may not resolve everything in one conversation, but you can make it easier for them to share concerns later. (www.scamwatch.gov.au)

Read Scamwatch’s conversation starters

3. Respond to defensiveness or withdrawal

Your loved one may become defensive, stop sharing information or withdraw from people who question the relationship. They may fear heartbreak, embarrassment or losing control over their own decisions.

Scammers can also encourage isolation, making it harder for friends and relatives to help.

Try to keep the connection open:

  • Continue inviting them to ordinary activities.

  • Make time for conversations unrelated to the suspected scam.

  • Ask permission to share information and allow time to consider it.

  • Encourage them to pause payments while seeking independent advice.

  • Reassure them that they can come to you without hearing “I told you so”.

You can support someone while setting boundaries around lending money or helping transfer funds. You do not have to agree that the relationship is genuine to remain kind and available.

Get guidance on helping someone being scammed

4. Act if money or personal information has been shared

Contact the bank or payment provider

Use contact details you find independently. Explain when payments were made, how they were sent and why you suspect a scam. Ask about stopping further payments and protecting accounts. Acting quickly matters, although recovery is not guaranteed.

Secure affected accounts

Change any exposed passwords from a trusted device, including anywhere the same password was reused. Enable multi-factor authentication and tell the bank if someone was given access to online banking.

Keep evidence

Save messages, profile links, usernames, phone numbers, payment receipts and transaction details. Write a brief timeline to help explain what happened when reporting.

End contact when the scam is recognised

After preserving evidence, block the scammer and report the account to the platform. Avoid continuing the conversation to confront or investigate them.

Watch for further scams

Be cautious of anyone offering to recover lost money, particularly for an upfront fee. People affected by scams may be targeted again. (www.scamwatch.gov.au)

Follow Scamwatch’s steps after a scam

5. Report concerns and find assistance

You can report concerns even if you are supporting someone else. A report does not replace contacting the bank or seeking urgent assistance.

Seek prompt advice if there are threats, large transfers, loans being taken out, retirement funds being accessed or plans to travel to meet a suspected scammer. (www.scamwatch.gov.au)

Reporting and support resources

If someone is in immediate danger, call 000.

Friends and family need support too

Trying to protect someone who does not accept your concerns can be exhausting. You are not responsible for the scammer’s actions, and you should not have to carry the situation alone.

Consider speaking with a counsellor about your own wellbeing and how to maintain boundaries. If your loved one recognises the scam, ask what help they would like. This might mean sitting beside them while they call their bank or helping organise information for a report.

Keep checking in after contact with the scammer ends. The loss of the relationship can be painful, and rebuilding confidence may take time.

Bring scam awareness to your community

If your community group is a not-for-profit or charity, local, state and federal government grants may help fund cyber and scam awareness activities for your community.

Cybernao can help you identify suitable funding opportunities and support your application, as well as deliver practical, interactive scam awareness sessions for your group anywhere in Australia.

Led by Tegan DeClark, a university lecturer with postgraduate qualifications in marketing and cyber security, sessions help people understand how scammers build trust, influence decisions and exploit everyday situations.

Contact Cybernao to discuss funding and a session for your community